May 30, 2012

sex in the curious city

Season 2, Episode 9 - Old Dogs, New Dicks
Change is hard, as She & Him sing. It's also not to be expected. One of the first pieces of advice drilled into my head since my tweenage years is to never expect your significant other to change. All of those women's magazines always repeated that, though I never really know what that meant.

It depends on the kind of change you are expecting. It isn't good to have a specific thing in mind that you want to change as soon as you begin the relationship. Like, "Ugh, why does he dress like that. As soon as I trick him into being my boyfriend, I will force him to wear what I tell him to wear." That is obviously wrong, and a small piece of psycho.

But I think both parties must go into the relationship expecting change. (Actually even if you don't expect it, change is going to happen.) You will change your lifestyle, your habits, your perspective, and even fundamental things about yourself and beliefs may shift. That's normal and nothing to be feared. In fact, if nothing changed at all, that would almost defeat the purpose of a relationship. Why are you in a relationship if you have no basic interaction and reaction to the other person? Dating you would be like dating a brick wall. Blah!

So, why all this hoopla about not expecting change?

1) It's a pre-emptive move. You want the other person not to expect change bc change is hard, you're lazy, and you don't want to have any expectations to meet.
2) It's also about acceptance. Our society is soooooo needy, and we loooooove being accepted. I am no exception. We want to be liked and loved as we are. We all want to be reassured that nothing will change and things will remain exactly as they are. I guess that's the challenge of a long-term relationship - to continue to love the other person as he/she changes and as I, myself, change.

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