I was in an S & M relationship with Mr. Big. In love relationships, there is a fine line between pleasure and pain. In fact, it's a common belief that a relationship without pain...is a relationship not worth having. To some, pain implies growth. But how do we know when the growing pains stop ...and the “pain-pains” take over? Are we masochists or optimists, if we continue to walk that fine line?I'm also in that school of thought ... no pain, no gain, no growth, no depth in the relationship. For me, I learned this the painful way (punny!). When I first started dating, I almost never fought with my then-boyfriends. We fought maybe twice, and the second time was to break up. I was very afraid: of being a psycho gf, of being an annoying gf, of having a volatile relationship, of running into issues. I was a very timid girlfriend-type.
I wouldn't say that BDF and I fight all the time - we're still relatively peaceful peeps. But, I'm not afraid to fight him. A lot of it is the way that we began our relationship. I was not afraid of "losing" the relationship in the beginning, and that fearlessness led me to be more vocal, to address issues instead of hide from them, and to discover that fighting can actually be healthy.
I hate fighting. I really do. It's painful every time. Even if it's growing pains for us, it still means pain (and oftentimes tears) for me. Sometimes with big fights, I feel like my heart is being ripped into shreds. Maybe I am a bit melodramatic, but I like to feel my feelings. Even with small fights, even when they're not my "fault," it still hurts. It hurts me to hurt BDF. It's just a whole world of hurtin'. Painful, yes. Worth it? Yes. Yes. Yes.
Go fight with your sig. other. Highly recommended for a close relationship that evolves and grows with you.
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